Monday, April 12, 2010
Today was an okay day. Spent much of it sitting in the ER with one of my residents. Sweet little precious lady was just not doing well. Annabelle had a game tonight and they won! Go Bumblebees!! I love to watch them play. It makes my heart smile. I have had so much going on lately and so much on my heart. Dad has major surgery on Monday to remove the cancer from his lung. Then we wait again to see how to treat it and what stage it's in. I guess it's about time to spill the beans about something else... as of Friday I will be jobless. It was by my choosing not because I'm getting fired or anything. I have kept this in for a month now because in so many ways I feel like a failure. I can't seem to find a job that just "fits" me. I know there will be ups and downs and always things that you don't like. I just couldn't take anymore of the changes being implemented within this company. I have 2 babies at home and a husband I kinda like and I just can't work 50-60 hours per week. I can't work on the weekends or all holidays nor can I spend an hour and a half on conference calls every week until 9:00 pm. I have other priorities and people that I MUST devote my time to. I just stepped out in faith after much prayer and decided that I would continue looking for another job and I know God will provide for me. I turned in my 30 day notice and hoped that in those 30 days I would have at least another prospect for a job but nothing yet. I do feel like such a failure. I feel that I am giving up and giving in. I feel the pride puffing up inside me and telling me that I am too strong of a person to just give up. Truth is... I am so weak. I know that God will provide for me and for my family. He always has. BUT, his provisions just may not line up with my timing. I don't want to fail my family. I absolutely must work in order for our bills to get paid. I question my decision everyday but still feel a certain peace about it. I haven't told anyone because I simply did not want others to see my surrender and my weaknesses. Please pray for me as I continue on this journey. I need a renewed hope.