Ever changing

I don't forget that I have this blog. As a matter of fact, I remember it everytime I'm on facebook and I think to myself... "I need to blog" but yet here I am and it's been so long since my last entry. My new job is going well and I've been there a little over a month now. I am already training others. Don't know if that's truly the safe thing for me to be doing but I guess someone must have faith in me. Joey and the girls are doing really well and Annabelle will start Kindergarten in 1 week!! I can't believe it really. So many emotions I feel about that but I can't pin point not one. She is going to do great and I know she will love it. I just don't have babies anymore. Joey was able to arrange his work schedule so he is picking her up at 3 everyday and staying home with her until I get off then he goes back in to work about 3 days out of the week until about 9 pm. We started that schedule this week and I'm not sure I'm liking it much but it has to be done. It will save us money by not having to pay for afterschool care anyway. Today is my best friend Amanda's birthday! We have been friends since the 9th grade. She lives in LA so I don't see her often and I sure do miss her. I find myself missing all of my friends. All of my close friends live a good distance from me so me having "girl time" is pretty much non existent. Church is going really good. I say that because.... well I must be perfectly honest, I was a little worried when I heard that the pastor search committee had voted in a 70 year old pastor. I new him, I had heard him preach before, I liked him... but I had my doubts about him being a good "fit" for our church and our church's needs at this time. I wanted someone that could attract a younger crowd. We needed younger families in our church. I wanted someone that could keep me captivated and draw the crowds. In other words, I was playing God. Lord forgive me. Joey was on the committee and he tried to reassure me that God had led them in this direction and that it was meant to be. I just wasn't so sure. It's been a little over 3 months now since Wallace joined us and I love him. I haven't gotten to really sit and talk with him much but I love him. I see his sincerity, his love for Christ, his love for his calling, and our church. His messages keep me focused and I feel a constant move towards the calling of Christ for our church body. In just these few months, we have had new members join and when I look out at our church body I can see new faces and growth. God has really made me realize that what I want isn't necessarily what is needed and what I doubt, He believes. I am excited to see where our church goes in the next months and years! I see that excitement in everyone's eyes now and it's truly a joy.

Wow!

It sure has been a while since I posted but not too much has been going on since last time. Annabelle is still doing fine although she still has the knots in her neck. She will start kindergarten in August and this makes me very nervous. She is excited though. Savanah is just getting bigger everyday and before I know it, she will be in school too. I did get a new job! I will start work with Baker Hughes on July 12th. It is a full time job with great benefits so that is really a huge relief. Oh yeah... I also signed up to be an organ donor!! I heard the story about heather donating her organs and how she had saved 3 peoples lives and after much thought, I decided I would also be a donor. It's exciting to think of the lives I may impact even when I'm not around anymore. That's what life is about.... changing lives so shouldn't death be about the same? Our new pastor started on June 1st and he has been doing a great job. I really enjoy his sermons and he is a very nice man. I look forward to our family building a relationship with him. Some may not know this about me, but I love to read the news and keep up with what is going on in our world. I read the news a few times a day and I also read the comments others leave about certain stories and events. I don't know why I read these because it really just depresses me. It breaks my heart to see the level of hate, greed, and anger in the world. The words that come from people's tongues are so full of hurt. People simply do not know the impact of words anymore. We say things without thinking, without concern of who we may hurt, with total lack of compassion and it pains me to see how we treat others. We revel in others tragedy, we laugh when others cry, we covet what we cannot have and scoff at those who have little. I may not be the poster child for love, but I pray that others see a different me. I pray that when I speak, I speak kindly. I pray that when others cry, I cry for them. I pray that my actions show compassion. I want to be different. God has changed me and I never want to be the same.

What's going on

Wow, it's been a few days hasn't it. Well we got Annabelle's test results back and everything came back normal this time. The doctor doesn't feel we need to do anymore tests. Thank goodness!! That was a big relief for me.

I got a part time job working at a bank here in Hallsville and I love it! Too bad it's just not paying the bills. Plans were to go back to school and live off of loan money for the summer until I could get in classes full time. That's not going to work either. Appearently you can't get loan money for summer classes. ( not the amount we would need anyway)

With that being said, we are WAY behind on our bills and there just isn't any money to pay them. There is a good chance in about 2 months we could lose our house. Not good. We are scrambling trying to find something to do but nothing has come to us just yet. I have still been applying for full time jobs and calling to check up on some I already applied for. Nothing working out with that either. We have applied for assistance with our house loan but that could take up to another month IF we even qualify for anything. We traded in the van for a car that will save us about 120.00 a month so that is good but those savings will be just enough to afford the necessities.

The job is still open at my old place of employment because the lady they had hired backed out.... part of me wants to ask for the job back, but the majority of me knows it would be a mistake. So confused. I don't know what to do or what steps to take next. I am a "fixer" and I want so badly to just "fix" this. I feel so lost. I pray everyday for patience and that God's hands would work in this situation but time is running short. I try not to doubt but I can't help to have thoughts that perhaps this is God's way of saying "Wendy you made a mistake and you have to handle the consequences of that" It's hard to feel that I made a mistake leaving my job because I have so much more peace in my heart now even with the financial issues we face. But perhaps life isn't about me feeling peace or less stressed, maybe it's about sucking it up and doing what has to be done even if it means my being uncomfortable.

Lord, I need to know things are going to be okay. Can you help me please to know that things will be okay? I need an open window, a door, something to allow us to keep our heads above water. I know you haven't left us, I know you are here. Please let me feel your presense. I need a Jesus hug. I love you.

Waiting

Went today for Annabelle's second round of lab tests. I am hoping we hear something by in the morning. Keeping my fingers crossed everything comes back normal.... we shall see.

Been a while

There hasn't been too many things happen in the past week really. Annabelle finished her antibiotics Saturday and has another lab appt on Wednesday so we can see about those LDH levels. I started my job at the bank last Monday and I really like it. I love going to a job that is pretty laid back and SO much less stress. The plan was to work there part time and start summer classes in June for OT. We would take out a little extra in loans to make it through the summer. Well.... found out that I probably won't even get any loans for the summer due to some government regulations on summer courses. So.... I don't know what we are going to do. It's all very frustrating. I can't take the class I wanted to take if I don't even get the loan money to pay for the class much less getting anything extra to pay some bills. I have applied for a couple more full time jobs and still haven't heard a thing from anyone. I'm just so confused.

"I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands, you are who you are no matter where I am. Every tear I cry you hold in your hands. You never left my side and though my heart is torn... I will praise you in this storm"

A Warrior World

Lots to tell so I will try to make this as short as possible.

1st order of business: Annabelle

She is doing well with her antibiotics but the knots in her neck are still there. She never really skipped a beat though. Just flowing right along as usual. We should be able to call at the end of this week and set up an appt. for her to get more labs done.

2nd order of business: I GOT A JOB!!

I have decided that I am going to go back to school but I most certainly cannot be without a job while doing this. I decided I would get a part time job working working about 30 hours per week so I can at least have some money coming in to help us. I knew something had to be done and be done quickly so last Friday I decided I would just go up to the bank here in Hallsville and see if they were hiring. Walked in when they opened the doors 1st thing that morning and immediately got to see the manager. I gave him my resume and told him my situation. He said they were looking for someone full time and part time as a teller. He wanted me to fill out an application and also speak with the head teller. So... did all that and things went really well. She said that the manager would probably call me later that day after they talked. I got a call about 11:45 and he was offering me the part time position!! I start Monday morning and I'm so happy that part of my plans are coming together. I prayed to God Thursday morning and told him that I cannot do this by myself and that I needed guidance and help. I prayed that a door would open and that if it was His plan that he would guide me through it. I think part of knowing that God will answer your prayers is also knowing that you can't. I had this realization that in all things I must be truly dependent on God. This does not make me weak or incapable. If I am nothing to someone else I can always know that I am something to God. He loves me. I pray that these events will continue to play out without my hands being involved. I love to see God working in my weakness. Remember that peace I talked about earlier? That is where I find it.

3rd order of business: Warrior Dash

Went to Fourney TX yesterday with Joey to the Warrior Dash! It was awesome! I was only a spectator but next year I will definately be a participant! Joey did so great. He ran a 3.2 mile obstacle course in about 27 minutes! In the end he came out REAL dirty and tired but nothing that a little car wash wouldn't take care of! :-) We got to see some friends there and enjoyed a little time away. There were so many people there but everything was very well organized for a crowd so large. I will definately have to say that it's better to run it early because with about the 4th wave of people coming through, I saw a guy puke in the mud pit. yuck! too bad for all the people crawling through that stuff after him! Here are a few pictures to show you.

A Day of realizations

Annabelle's doctor called today and said that the throat culture he took came back positive for Strep. So.. that is a good idea as to why her lymph nodes are swollen. It still does not explain why her CBC count came back normal with an infection in her body or why the LDH levels were so high. I have tried doing some research online to see if there is a correlation between strep and high LDH levels but could not find anything definative on this. She has had zero symptoms of having strep. She will have to take antibiotics for 10 days and then she will have to go back and have more blood work done. Hopefully with the next round of blood work, all will be back to normal.

I have decided for sure that I am going back to school to get my associates degree in Occupational Therapy. I went to Panola today and found out what classes I could take during this summer to get started. Good news is that most of the core curriculum is out of the way and transferrable from ETBU. I however will have to take Anatomy and Physiology I and II. Lovely. I will be taking that starting in June through Kilgore college. Another good side is that I will get to wear scrubs!!! whoo hooo!! How great would it be to have a job where you are able to use creative thinking and problem solving to help people live a more full and independent life! I am almost 30 years old and need to find that place where I see myself doing something until I retire.

Hopefully all will work out and go smoothly getting into classes and going through the process. I hope it does. Please pray for me and for Joey as we continue our educations.